"Affirmative Judaism"

[The following is an expansion on my Rosh Hashanah comments… it is still written in my delivery format -- my apologies if this makes it more challenging to follow]

“Affirmative Judaism” – Not a New Movement, but a New Moment

Commentary for the Start of a New Year, 5776

Rabbi Steve Weisman – Temple Solel, Bowie MD

Starting omens – 16^th year, 25 as Rabbi, 5776 – all perfect squares

            Back to the Future 2 – this is the year,

                        And in the movie, the Chicago Cubs win the World Series!

Contrast that with an honest and sobering look at the world –

headlines and realities scream out for our attention:

Iran deal                                    global warming

Gun violence                        immigration reform

#black lives matter            electoral rights and reform

Syrian refugees

            and so many more – indeed AJ4J and Iran vote

Our own realities as a congregational mishpachah and community

            Also require a greater amount of our time, energy and focus –

                        If not from all of us, at least from our leaders

            And let’s give ourselves permission to admit up front,

that none of us are looking forward to Yizkor this year

            b/c the number of friends and neighbors we lost this year

                        was painfully large

It is so very easy to get so caught up

in the needs and challenges of the moment

that we lose perspective,

and spend far too much time dwelling in the negative.

Don’t get me wrong – every one of these items

            And several dozen more that go unnamed for the moment

                        Deserve and require our attention and involvement.

                        Will hopefully receive appropriate focus in New Year

But, before we can be a congregation of caregivers to the world

            Fulfilling God’s first command to all of us thru Adam and Eve

            That we be good stewards of all of Creation,

Before we can fully embrace the imperative to work for tikkun olam

We must, as all good caregivers do,

            Remember to take time for ourselves,

maintain equilibrium, make sure we are strong,

                        B/c if we cannot maintain our own strength and wellness

                        We will be no good trying to help others.

This, to me, is one of our gifts as Jews,

            But one that too often gets lost, or overlooked

                        Judaism allows, maybe even requires us,

                                    To take time for ourselves

                                    To maintain both strength and balanced perspective

These HHDs, especially this RH

            Can be, and now more than ever, needs to be

            A moment of our personal and communal

                        Spiritual recharge.

As Hillel taught – Im ein ani li mi li… If I am only for myself…

            Friends, this season is the now of our Jewish year,

                        These HHDs feel like the now of our time and circumstances

This is the world’s birthday, after all

            As we will remind ourselves in the morning

                        As we fulfill the mitzvah to hear the sound of the shofar.

Birthdays are times of joy, and celebration – first and foremost.

They are also times of looking back at where we have been,

Of sharing our joy with those closest to us,

But also times of looking ahead – with hope, and vigor

            And the excitement of what lies ahead in the new year.

FB has changed how we do birthdays –

            For myself, at least, I marvel at how much they are improved.

            Several hundred people, from every corner of our lifetimes,

                        Reach out and stir up memory and connection,

                        THAT is a real-life blessing!

My standard wishes, for those who are closest to me,

as expressed in that medium, read like an RH card.

And, as is often the case, recognizing this changed reality as a truth

            Has allowed me to shift my understandings and behaviors

                        In other areas as well.

So even as I acknowledge that there are many needs in our world --

            Both uniquely Jewish and at times frighteningly universal

                        (and we will look at THAT balancing act on YK) –

            needs that require our attention,

Even as my own prophetically-inspired Reform Jewish soul

            Hears the cries, and yearns to reach out in response and support,

Even as we all acknowledge the need for our hope that

            5776 will be a better year for the Solel family than 5775 was,

I KNOW that our first act of the new year MUST be

            To embrace the joy, and hope, and celebration of the New Year

                        Especially with the great positive omens this year,

And to use this opportunity for a spiritual recharge and refocus,

            When that reminds us of all the positives in our lives,

                        Encourages us to add to them, and maintain our balance

In many congregations on these HHDs, there is a natural excitement –

            For some, new clergy leadership or other changes are the source;

            For others, it is the new possibilities and opportunities

                        Inherent in the shift of prayerbooks to Mishkan HaNefesh

For others, like ours, we need to create that excitement for ourselves –

            Playing on both the (hoped-for) comfort of the familiar,

            & the natural hope & excitement that comes from new beginnings.

We will turn to challenging ourselves more on YK – as is fitting

            Of course, for those who cannot wait,

there is plenty of material available on the lobby tables

plenty of ways to choose to get more involved

            to begin to make more of a difference.

Embrace the comfortable and familiar – but do not be fooled by it…

            We are in the midst of change – significant change

                        In no small part because the larger world

of which we actively choose to be a part

            is changing with frightening speed.

Many of us joke and say that we don’t do change well as a congregation

But I am here tonight to speak to that no longer being the truth…

            It may have been true, even a few years ago,

            But we are a very different congregation tonight

                        In a very different world

at the start of this new year

than we were even a couple of years ago

            at the start of our 50^th!

And the best part is, much of that change happened quietly enough,

            Smoothly enough, with little or no drama,

            That many of us are surprised when we recognize the truth.

That, and the reassuring fact that, most of that change has been

            Both deliberate, and for the better,

            Evolutionary, not revolutionary,

With still other elements in the process of changing even as we speak.

Our world is changing.  Daily.  Sometimes by the hour.

Our Reform movement has changed and is changing.

That our congregation is in the midst of change is both needed and good

And, with the arrival of these HHDs,

we seek, thru atonement, to change ourselves!

To help us tonight, I would like to propose a significant change

in how we refer to and see ourselves as Jews.

I do so NOT to seek to create a new form of Judaism,

            But rather to reflect who I believe we already are

and who and what we seek to be,

as Jews, as members of the Solel family,

for most of us still as Reform identifying Jews.

It is only a little more than a decade since our movement changed name

            UAHC à URJ, WRJ and NFTY (and regions) before that

                        To reflect changing times & sensitivities,

who we had already become.

We still are, and will continue to be, a SOLEL –

and even if we did not originally chose the name

            for all of its political and philosophical implications,

            we embrace still the ideal of being trailblazers

                        building ramparts in the (relative) Jewish wilderness.

And be clear – Reform still carries great meaning and power

            I am not running from that identity,

                        But rather, hoping to strengthen it

                                    By making myself and others think about

What it really says about us and others.

Indeed, I have rarely been prouder to call myself a Reform Rabbi

            Than in the last few weeks,

                        With our statement on the Iran deal, and AJ4J.

But I am also aware that, for many, both scholars & the next generation,

            We live in a post-denominational world.

And therefore, I need to be able to express myself for who I am,

            And hopefully you will come along,

so we can do likewise as a community,

                                    Without the baggage of labels

                                    That may not be as positive to others

                                                As they are to me or you.

If we can find language that more accurately reflects

who we already are,

who and what we take pride in being,

            doesn’t that strengthen us?

If that same language also makes it easier

            For others to see value in who we are,

            Removes stumbling blocks and makes them want to join us,

                        Then it is even better!

So, starting tonight, in this new year,

            You will hear me start to refer

                        At least to myself, at first,

                                    As an “Affirmative Jew,” and “Affirmative Rabbi.”

And, if I am correct in this, as I believe I am,

            I hope we will begin to see ourselves and call ourselves

                        An “Affirmative Jewish Community”!

As with all well-managed change, for me at least,

            This is NOT nearly as revolutionary as it may sound at first.

            But rather, the product of natural evolution over time.

“Affirmative,” as descriptive of my Judaism, works in (at least) 3 ways:

First, it is a statement that one of the perpetual goals of my Jewishness

            Is to affirm the history and values, laws and teachings

                        Of 3500 years + of Jewish tradition

                        On who I am and wish to be

            Even as I struggle to re-imagine how Judaism should look today,

For myself and others.

Second, it affirms Judaism as a “way of life,”

            More than just a religion, or culture, or ethnicity

And ergo, that there are multiple valid ways of being Jewish.

Few of us, as individuals, start by embracing Judaism as a way of life.

Rather, as individuals, we see it is primarily, if not exclusively,

            As one, maybe two out of religion, culture, or ethnicity.

Therefore I seek to be more than inclusive,

            More than respectful or tolerant,

                        But truly accepting of and open to

new and different ideas and identities from my own,

that allow others to care, feel and do Jewish, as I do;

            Accepting others’ self-definitions,

                        Even when wildly different from my own,

                        Even as I maintain that connection to our past

                                    Individually, communally, historically, practically,

                                    By valuing k’lal Yis’ra’eil –

The unity and totality of the Jewish people;

            Even more important, accept them for who they are,

                        Not automatically seeking to change them to my definition,

                                    But genuinely offering opportunities

                                                To those who seek them.

Third, by embracing these truths, and focusing on Jewish values

            I seek to develop a Judaism that allows me

                        To see the world, and be seen by the world

                                    In the affirmative – as a positive force and value.

Here are some of the things that do NOT change for me

in embracing this new descriptive:

1.    Being American defines my Jewishness

2.    Being Jewish defines me as an American

3.    BOTH define who I am as a person

As an Affirmative Jew, I take ownership of these truths

            And their implications,

                        Even the ones that create cognitive dissonance at times.

I do so POSITIVELY, and proactively,

            Defining and AFFIRMing the person they make me,

            The community they lead me to seek, build, and be part of,

            Refusing to allow others to define me negatively or passively.

2 E.G.s -- I am a Choveiv Tzion – a lover and supporter of Israel –

            BY MY OWN CHOICE, and ON MY OWN TERMS,

                        Which at this moment is neither AIPAC nor J Street,

                                    But still stridently pro-Israel.

My love and support for Israel must be, empirically,

            Different from someone who lives there,

                        For their experience is different,

                        And therefore, so must their priorities be.

But, that difference does not mean

            They are more authentic than I – in most things,

That they are automatically more (often) correct than I am.

It DOES mean their voice must count more

            On existential matters within their community,

            Just as mine must count more than theirs,

                        On essential matters to my community.

Not because one of us is right, and the other is not,

But rather, because of our different positions in different places.

Put practically, as a person who is an American, and who is Jewish,

            I value true peace more highly than almost anything,

                        And therefore, my tendency is to prefer

                                    A negotiated agreement over going to war.

As an American,

I recognize that there are opportunities and responsibilities

            Unique to our country,

            That require us to act in certain ways

                        For ourselves and others.

As a Jew, and a Choveiv Tzion,

            The survival of Israel and its prosperity

                        Matter more to me than to many other Americans & others.

Acting on any of these three identities alone in the current reality

            Is likely to take me to two, maybe three, different results.

Acting on them all together, obligates me to compromise between them,

            Harmonize differences,

                        And come to the consensus that best represents

                                    Each individually and all together.

Likewise, I am a Jew who chooses to live in the open society,

            And not in homogeneous, self-selecting, closed communities.

I accept that those who make the other choice have their reasons,

            And I pray that their decisions

                        Work as well for them as mine do for me,

                        Even if, when I am being honest, most of the time

                                    I must admit that I cannot see how they could,

                                    Because of my different experience,

                                    Because of my unwillingness to make their choice.

I am challenged by living as a Jew in the larger society,

            But those challenges are a positive choice I affirm daily

                        A force for growth and strength to be embraced

                                    Not to be feared and run from.

But I am a JEW who lives in that open society,

            And therefore HOW I choose to live as part of it,

                        Will, at times, differ from the ways of my neighbors,

                        When I embrace my Jewish learning, experience, history

            That truth makes neither I nor my neighbor right nor wrong,

                        Neither is better than the other.

                                    Just different.

And, as Mark Twain once so eloquently put it:

““If two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary. 

Even though some of us disagree on the ______ issue,

each of us is necessary in reaching a resolution.”

Here are some more things that do not change for me

            As I embrace my new moniker,

                        Because I came to my positions on them

                                    By already being a positive, engaged, affirmative Jew

Even before embracing the language:

4.    God, Torah, and Israel are central elements

Of Judaism, and bind us to each other

5.    How I interpret them,

and value them relative to each other

            is a product of my unique experience,

            helps to define me as a distinctive Jew,

            and distinguishes me from other Jews,

even as they bind us together as one family.

6.    I embrace a Prophetic view of my role as a Jew --

placing the spirit of the law above letter

            when the two are in conflict,

providing Jewish motivation for all that I do,

encouraging me to find meaning in all that I do.

7.    This encourages me to do tikkun olam

To be “God’s shepherd” in tending to all Creation

            And to my fellow human beings

Not for myself, but to repair God’s world

            And improve everyone’s lot in it.

8.    This also encourages me to live my Judaism

In relationship with others,

            Both Jews and non-Jews.

                                    Indeed, my Affirmative Judaism, our Judaism,

                                                Is often most strongly defined, motivated,

                                                Most positively lived

THRU these relationships.

Again – what emerges is AFFIRMATIVE –

            It helps me to see the world through positive eyes;

            It encourages me to take action;

            It allows me to do so in a way that connects me to the past,

                        Even as I strive to live in the present & embrace the future.

And one last set of truths, somewhat unique to me,

            But concepts I have already been placing at the forefront

                        Of who I hope we become, and maybe already are

                                    As a mishpachah – an extended family of support

                                    As a k’hillah k’doshah – a sacred community.

9.    Because I see my Judaism, affirmatively,

As a “way of life,”

            Far more than just religion, culture, or people

I also see it, and the larger world,

            holistically

10.         This leads me to seek not only healing,

For that which is not whole,

For what has become worn down or broken

            In myself, my family,

            My community, my world

                                    But also WELLNESS –

                                                A combination of the physical, mental,

                                                            Emotional, and spiritual

                                                That allows me to interact on multiple levels.

                                                Like my Jewishness,

it is greater than the sum of its parts,

                                                which allows me, at times,

to pre-empt the need for healing

from external sources,

                                                By affirming my own strength,

                                                            And reinforcing it,

                                                Even as I seek to help others

to do the same for themselves,

                                                                        individually and communally

11.         As I help to build the community,

It helps me recognize 3 truths

about my own personal motives:

A.   My need to be loved, respected, accepted

For who I am,

            And who I seek to be

B.   My need to make sense of the chaos

Of the world all around us

And within myself

C.    My need to leave a legacy behind

That tells others that I was here

            And hopefully made the world

                        A little better for it

                        12.              And to recognize these 3 truths

                                                            In all those with whom I work

                                                Empowering me to recognize, support

                                                            And empower them

                                                Just as I hope and need to be.

Friends, as we start the New Year 5776

            I embrace who I am and who I have become

                        As an AFFIRMATIVE Jew.

I am empowered not only by new language, by a new name,

            But by the process of introspection and affirmation

                        Which led me to dare to suggest it in public.

I hope that we all can recognize, both in my words and in my process,

            That each of us, too, either already is, or seeks to be,

                        An Affirmative Jew.

And even if we do not (yet) recognize ourselves in this way,

            I hope we can agree that this IS a significant goal

                        towards which to work – individually and collectively.

And, at the very least, even if that is still not on our horizons,

            I pray that we will recognize

                        In the process of introspection we each took to get here

                                    so central to our atonement-seeking at this season,

                        The value of recognizing the positive,

                                    And not just the negative,

not just for its own sake of being positive,

                                                not in some pollyannish “all is well” denial,

            But for the awesome power that comes when we allow ourselves

                        To grow not only in learning from and correcting mistakes

                        But in moving ourselves from strength to strength,

                                    From good, to even better, to [dare for] greatness.

                        To moving ourselves nearer to the best that is in us,

                                    And closer to each other,

                        By seeking and finding the spark of God

                                    That dwells in each of our souls.

            So that, by growing closer to each other, and our best,

                        We also draw closer to God,

                                    Not just at this season of our justifying our lives,

                                    But every day!

I made a conscious decision with my words tonight,

to speak for myself as an Affirmative Jew,

Both because what I suggest may not yet feel right to many,

But also so my words could model my message and my approach.

For those who found this helpful, I am grateful,

For those who found that decision made it harder to hear my message,

            My profound apologies.  I pray to do better on YK,

                        On this, and so many other things!

As I point out every time I do a wedding –

            1 + 1 can and does equal three,

                        when two (or more) individuals seek to come together,

                        and become a group, united with each other.

            The strength and success of the united group is dependent on

                        The continued strength of each individual.

            It cannot extinguish that individual strength,

                        But rather, grow it stronger by teaching it only

                                    To self-limit for the sake of the united whole.

May our 5776 start in joy, peace, and hope,

            Allowing us to begin the new year positive and strong,

                        Affirming our Jewishness – as individuals and as a group,

            So we can confront the challenges we face

                        In working towards perfection for ourselves and our world

                                    Like the perfection of the square in 5776,

                        With full vigor of body and soul, of spirit and mind,

                        Positive and affirming in all that we think, say and do.  KYR

What Can We Learn from the Best Ad Campaigns?

The following is an excerpt from a blog piece that resonated with me quite strongly.   I have distilled out the lessons learned by the author from each campaign here, but I highly recommend not only looking at the entirety of the blog for other possible insights and lessons, but to be reminded of the ads themselves, and the impact that they had on you.  Then ask yourself what other ad campaigns you would add to this list (and also which, if any, you would replace because the lesson wasn’t as important or your choice portrayed the lesson (or a more important one) better in your own mind.

I share this NOT as an expert in marketing or branding, but because of the analysis on WHY these worked.  I share it NOT with the intent of making us “branding” experts, but rather because, at least for me, the lessons the writer distills out are transferable to my efforts, to our efforts – but only if we “walk the talk” – do more than just speak the messages, but actually act upon them.  My own, hardly authoritative restatement of the lesson as it applies to us is in parentheses at the end of each.  Most of them, when written out, are anything but surprises – they are points we have made and generally agreed upon.  But seeing them all together from a different source can change how we receive their messages. And, I especially appreciate the start at #1, with the thought process behind it.

12 of the Best Marketing & Ad Campaigns (And What Made Them Successful)

Written by Lindsay Kolowich 

http://blog.hubspot.com/blog/tabid/6307/bid/32763/The-10-Greatest-Marketing-Campaigns-of-All-Time.aspx

1)       Nike: Just Do It.

So when you're trying to decide the best way to present your brand, ask yourself what problem are you solving for your customers. What solution does your product or service provide? By hitting on that core issue in all of your marketing messaging, you'll connect with consumers on an emotional level that is hard to ignore. [RS – isn’t this what we need to be doing in everything we do?  In addition to making sure that our actions and programs match our vision and values, don’t we need to have a real world reason and goal for our efforts, that is based in the hearts of those we speak to and work with?]

2)       Absolut Vodka: The Absolut Bottle

So what’s a marketer's lesson here? No matter how boring your product looks, it doesn’t mean you can’t tell your story in an interesting way. Let me repeat: Absolut created 1500 ads of one bottle. Be determined and differentiate your product in the same way. [Dependable and predictable can sell, especially if one stays committed to the message.]

3)       Miller Lite: Great Taste, Less Filling

For decades after this campaign aired, Miller Lite dominated the light beer market they'd essentially created. What’s the lesson marketers can learn? Strive to be different. If people tell you there isn’t room for a product, create your own category so you can quickly become the leader. [What makes us unique?  How can we focus on that to grow?]

4)       Volkswagen: Think Small

See, Americans always had a propensity to buy big American cars -- and even 15 years after WWII ended, most Americans were still not buying small German cars. So what did this Volkswagen advertisement do? It played right into the audience’s expectations. You think I’m small? Yeah, I am. They never tried to be something they were not. That's the most important takeaway from this campaign: Don’t try to sell your company, product, or service as something it’s not. Consumers recognize and appreciate honesty. [We need to be who we are and be honest when we talk about who we wish to be when we aren’t there yet.]

5)       Marlboro: Marlboro Man

The lesson here? Remember that whatever you're selling needs to fit somehow into your audience's lifestyle -- or their idealized lifestyle. [I would add that in addition to knowing who we are reaching out to better, this also gives us permission to promote an idealized view.]

6)       California Milk Processor Board: Got Milk?

Note, though, that the ad didn't target people who weren’t drinking milk; but instead focused on the consumers who already were. The lesson here? It's not always about getting a brand new audience to use your products or services -- sometimes, it's about getting your current audience to appreciate and use your product more often. Turn your audience into advocates, and use marketing to tell them why they should continue to enjoy the product or service you are already providing for them. [Even as we seek to bring in newcomers, there is value in strengthening our core, even energizing them to be part of the reaching out.]

7)       Dove: Real Beauty

For example, in their Real Beauty Sketches campaign, they created ads around a social experiment in which an FBI-trained sketch artist was asked to draw female volunteers twice: First, as each woman described herself and the second time, as a random stranger described her. The images that were drawn were completely different, and Dove accompanied this finding with a compelling statistic that only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful.  The results? The different videos showing Dove's sketches were viewed more than 114 million times, shared 3.74 million times, uploaded in 25 languages, and seen in 110 countries. The PR and blogger media impression amounted to over 4 billion. It clearly resonated with their audience -- and people were touched both by the ads and by the statistics Dove used to back up their message. [The cliché that “perception is reality” CAN be overcome – but it takes a compelling case to do so.]

8)        Apple: Get a Mac

A key takeaway here? Just because your product does some pretty amazing things doesn’t mean you need to hit your audience over the head with it. Instead, explain your product’s benefits in a relatable way so consumers are able to see themselves using it. [Be willing to sell – be careful not to oversell.]

9)        Clairol: Does She or Doesn’t She?

The lesson here: Sometimes, simply conveying how and why your product works is enough for consumers. Showing becomes more effective than telling. [Actions speak louder than words.]

10)    De Beers: A Diamond is Forever

De Beers actually built the industry; they presented the idea that a diamond ring was a necessary luxury. According to the New York Times, N.W. Ayer's game plan was to "create a situation where almost every person pledging marriage feels compelled to acquire a diamond engagement ring." The lesson here? Marketing can make a relatively inexpensive product seem luxurious and essential. [In attracting the unaffiliated, our challenge is to help them better value what they do not even yet realize they are missing.]

11)    Old Spice: The Man Your Man Could Smell Like

That first video has over 51 million views as of this writing. Several months later, in June 2010, Old Spice followed up with a second commercial featuring the same actor, Isaiah Mustafa. Mustafa quickly became "Old Spice Guy," a nickname Wieden + Kennedy capitalized on with an interactive video campaign in which Mustafa responded to fans' comments on Facebook, Twitter, and other social media websites with short, personalized videos. In about two days, the company had churned out 186 personalized, scripted, and quite funny video responses featuring Mustafa responding to fans online. According to Inc, these videos saw almost 11 million views, and Old Spice gained about 29,000 Facebook fans and 58,000 new Twitter followers…. The lesson here? If you find your campaign's gained momentum with your fans and followers, do everything you can to keep them engaged while keeping your messaging true to your brand's voice and image. [When you invest in relationships, you can get results.]

12)    Wendy’s: Where’s the Beef?

Wendy’s took a more gutsy approach in this marketing campaign: They targeted their competitors. The simple phrase "Where's the beef?" was used to point out the lack of beef in their competitors' burgers -- and it quickly became a catch phrase that encapsulated all that was missing in their audience's lives. While you can’t predict when a catchphrase will catch on and when it won’t, Wendy’s (wisely) didn’t over-promote their hit phrase. They only ran the campaign for a year, and allowed it to gently run its course. The lesson here: Be careful with your campaigns' success and failures. Just because you find something that works doesn't mean you should keep doing it over and over to the point it's played out. Allow your company to change and grow, and you may find that you can have even greater success in the future by trying something new. [Words, used carefully, can change behavior – but only when they speak a truth and touch a place of honesty in the listener.]

Sharp Enough to Split a Hair – Or Shave Them All Off … For A Good Cause

[Note:  If you came here looking for the link to the donation page, scroll down to the end.  If you came to bid in the silent auction to win the chance to start the shaving, enter your bid as a message on this blog.]

On Sunday, May 17^th, I will pay off on a challenge I made to my religious school kids a year ago.  On the last day of religious school LAST year, when we announced the tzedakah (significantly more than “charity,” the Hebrew value of “sacred giving” – see the end for a deeper understanding) total for last year, I commended the kids for their generosity, but I told them that they, that WE, could do better.  So I made them a deal – if the roughly 80 kids in our 1-2 times per week program could contribute $750 by our mid-year Chanukkah assembly and party, then on the last day of this school year, I would shave my head (NOT my face) bald!

Of course, they succeeded – with plenty of room to spare.  I am pretty sure those last couple of days there were kids – and adults – slipping an extra Abe Lincoln into the envelopes … just to make sure!

But the story only begins there – because once we were committed to “the big shave,” I made a second pledge (publicly – it was really the initial pledge that started this whole ball rolling) that we would use that shaving of my head for even more good purposes.  So, when the trimmer starts its work in few days, we will still be raising money to support the work of the Andrew McDonough B+ Foundation (read that as “Be Positive,” and click here, http://www.bepositive.org , to learn their story) – raising awareness about childhood cancers, doing research that we pray will one day cure and prevent them, and supporting families confronting this hideous disease. 

Since you are reading this, I hope you will support my efforts – and B+’s, not merely to make me feel better as I get used to being hairless!  Jump down to the bottom if you wish, to learn how you can contribute to the cause.  And, if you are in the area on May 17^th, please come join us for the spectacle!

I had almost joined some 70 other Rabbis last spring, who shaved their heads in solidarity with two of our colleagues, Rabbis Phyllis and Michael Sommers, whose young son, Sam’s courageous battle against cancer had ended just a few months before.  “Superman Sam,” as his parents nicknamed him, and his battle against cancer, had been chronicled by his parents to raise awareness about childhood cancers – the “Shave for the Brave” project, working with the folks at St. Baldrick’s    ( http://www.stbaldricks.org ), raised some $600,000 for research and support of families.

In the end, I had not chosen to shave with the others last March.  I wasn’t going to be in Chicago for the CCAR Convention at which the shaving would take place, and, as small as the world of the Reform Rabbinate is, I had no direct link to the family.  I, like so many others, was moved by Sam’s story, and the courage and compassion the all taught us by their example.  But I didn’t want to just pile on as “one more,” no matter how good the cause.  I would wait for the right time for my world, praying that it would never come so close to me and mine.

When one of my Sisterhood presidents asked me why I hadn’t shaved my head like all the other Reform Rabbis, I told her this.  Apparently, several of my families thought it would be a hoot, and could serve a good cause, if THEIR Rabbi were to shave his head, publicly, for a cause.  I made it clear that there would have to be much good involved in the effort, but I was game.  And so came my challenge to the kids, and their embrace of it, and now, we are a few days away from my going bald.

I knew that as the day approached, I would be thinking of both my mother-in-law, who died of breast cancer, and my mother, a retired school teacher who put her students’ well-being and learning before everything else, and who died of ovarian cancer.  Sure, we support efforts to combat both of those forms of the disease as a family.  But, especially in remembering my mother, it felt right to be working to help children.

What we could not have known was that, in the interim, the daughter of two OTHER Rabbinic colleagues whom I have known longer than they have known each other, from my camp and regional youth group work, Maya Ringler, would be diagnosed for a second time, at age 10, with cancer.  After they began to know what they were dealing with, Peter and Stacy asked their daughter, since so many people wanted to know what they could do for her, what she wanted.  Her answer was wise beyond her years.  Even in the face of this new diagnosis, Maya still felt as if she had everything she needed, so she said “I don’t need anything! Tell everyone to make a donation to Alex’s Lemonade Stand (http://www.alexslemonade.org ), because what we all really need is for no more kids to get cancer.”  And so, her parents did as she asked.  After all, when she had beaten kidney cancer at age 2, as a family, they had begun supporting Alex’s in gratitude. And since January, Maya’s efforts to help others exploded past her initial fundraising goal, and her most recent of $100,000 (as of a week ago, the total collected stood at $117,459 and counting).  Maya has set her new goal at $250,000.

I am blown away, in total awe, of this 10 year old and her family.  But I am not surprised.  If you want to be inspired, Google her name – there are dozens of stories.  So much so that a part of me wishes I had never agreed to shave – because in our little congregation, I cannot hope to come close to the successes of Maya Rigler, or “Shave for the Brave.”

But that part of me is silenced almost immediately, reminded that this is NOT a competition, and that, even as the amount raised by colleagues and friends approaches $1,000,000, we are still not any closer to the REAL goal – of eradicating childhood cancers, and helping the families who are already dealing with it.  EVERY penny is needed.

Even if my daughter Emily is a little ticked at her old man for not looking at the calendar before agreeing to this, and remembering that her college graduation is just a few days later! I know, however, that she is just giving me a hard time, because SHE is the one who brought B+ to my attention – she, and her sorority sisters of ZTA at The College of New Jersey, whose TCNJams dance marathon this semester raised $50,000 for B+, and was formally recognized as the “Program of the Year” on campus.

“So – How can I contribute to the cause?”

Actually – there are MANY different ways to do so.

1.     The BEST way, from my perspective, would be to go to the website that has been set up for contributions at B+  : https://www.beposfdn.org/Difference/eventpage.aspx?eventid=223213.

2.     Next best would be to make out a check to “The B+ Foundation,” and note that you are supporting me, Rabbi Steve Weisman, on the memo line, and deliver or send it to Temple Solel, 2901 Mitchellville Rd., Bowie MD 20716.  We will collect them, and pass them through to B+.  (Just be aware that we may hold them for a brief period before passing them forward).

3.     If, for any reason, you have an existing strong connection to either St. Baldrick’s or Alex’s Lemonade, feel free to contribute to them instead, as all these fine groups are working to the same end.  If you do contribute through one of these other groups however, please provide them with my name and the Temple address, and ask them to send me a confirmation, so we can keep track and acknowledge all gifts

IN ADDITION –

From now until May 15, we will be running a silent auction for the right to begin the shaving process!  That’s right, the high bidder will get to run the trimmer for the first couple of strokes through my hair.

The auction will run right here, in the comments section.  We will establish the opening bid at $18 – seems appropriate.  If you wish to bid, just do so in a message below.  We will close the bidding at 6:30 on Friday, as services begin.

*- A Note on Tzedakah – as noted above, the Jewish concept expressed in the word goes far beyond the English concept by which it is usually translated, “charity.”  The Jewish value of “sacred giving” transcends giving to help those in need.  In fact, it moves beyond financial giving as well.  The root of the Hebrew term means “correct,” or “right,” in the sense of “righteous,” which connects it into the realm of the mitzvah (“commandment”) system that is at the heart of Jewish interpersonal relationships.  Taken from a moral perspective, HOW we help others is as important, and sometimes more so, than what we do to help.  The clarion statement of this reality comes from Maimonides, the medieval Rabbi/philosopher, whose 8-step “Ladder of Tzedakah” makes clear all of these elements.

Musings on Baltimore

Over the last several days, I have posted many articles, and several links to ways to help bring real solutions to the explosive situation in Baltimore, starting with a restoration of peace, calm, and safety for all, so that the real issues can be addressed.  The issues are real, and challenging, and complex.  They defy simply solutions, and in many cases, they defy sound-byte description.  In our Twitter world, you cannot explain what is happening, much less why, in 140 characters.

There is much blame, and many to share it.  But pointing the finger of blame does NOT solve the problems.  The violence of recent days, while it may be understandable to those who truly have a sense of the real issues, also does little to solve those real issues.  Those who act for their own gain in a situation like this deserve all the opprobrium we can heap upon them.  But we also need to do more to understand the circumstances that lead them to take such self-defeating actions, and do what we can to support and encourage those who are working to improve that reality.

While it is clear that the still unexplained death of Freddie Gray after he was taken into custody, and his funeral yesterday, have served as the spark for both peaceful protests and thoughtful coming together in search of answers on the one hand, and now, sadly, also for violence on the other, it is also clear that his death has served as a lightening rod for frustrations over so many other realities in this nearby community, many of them avoidable, and the product of our own successes and failures as a society.

It is also clear that many are failing to distinguish between the actions of individuals or small groups, and the existence of larger sub-groups of their community and our society.  The too frequent phenomenon of an unexplained death while in the hands of law enforcement officials should, once again, give us pause, and demand of us that we not rest until Mr. Gray’s death is fully and honestly investigated and explained, and anyone found guilty of inappropriate behaviors that may have led to it is identified, tried, and punished if convicted.  It does not, however, mean that ALL law enforcement officers are bad – in fact, the great majority still deserve our complete respect and support for the risks they take daily to support our freedoms, our safety, and our lives.  Likewise, just because a remarkably small number of people – and at this point it is not clear who they are, and therefore whether the impetus came from local or external sources – chose to express their frustrations through acts of violence, theft, and destruction of others’ property, this does NOT mean that the entire community is to blame for the behaviors of some.  Indeed, for every painful image of burning cars or shops, or looters running with ill-gotten gain in there hand, there have been an equal number of pictures of community leaders and average citizens stepping up to maintain calm and peace, to discourage self-destructive and dangerous behaviors, even today to begin the clean-up in the worst areas, or to offer water to law enforcement officers standing guard in riot gear.

Similarly, while I cannot ever condone violence as the preferred path to needed civil changes, and therefore add my voice as a Rabbi to the many calling for swift and appropriate action by local leaders to end the violence, and bring those responsible for it to justice, I am also learning by listening to the stories of people who live closer to the impacted areas just how deep their frustrations at lack of response and their feelings of powerlessness and fear run.  In the process, I am coming to understand better how some people have been moved to take actions I could never otherwise have understood.  I still do not condone such behavior, but I am working to understand WHY it happens, in the hope that when the time comes, that awareness can lead to change that will prevent similar outbreaks in the future.

The needs of the immediate moment require the emphasis to shift to restoring and maintaining the peace and safety of the Baltimore community as a whole.  Until that happens, sadly, attention cannot and will not be allowed to shift back to investigating the facts of Freddie Gray’s death, and beginning the serious communal dialogues needed to change the prevailing circumstances that put too many Freddie Gray’s in harm’s way.  I pray that the peace and safety of everyone is restored soon, for all of these reasons.  But I am aware that unless the restoration of normal life in Baltimore is followed by a sincere effort to change what has become accepted as normal by too many, for the better, it will only be a matter of time before the next incident sets off a similar, or more strident, response, whether locally or somewhere else.

If the answers were easy, we would already be doing them as a society and community.  If there was a clear voice of leadership, people would be following.  In their absence, the status quo of frustration and pain is allowed to fester until it explodes.  Such a reality is harmful to Baltimore – it is harmful to us all.  We need a new approach and new answers, because what has been tried here and elsewhere has not achieved the needed results.  As Rabbi Hillel taught:  If I am not for myself, who will be for me; but if I am only for myself, what am I?  And if not now, when?

For better or for worse, for Baltimore, and beyond, the time needs to be now.  Local leaders are stepping up, they need help from more of us.  Can we be counted on to help?

A Sermonic Response to Ray Rice and the Issues of Domestic Abuse

Friends:

Below is an expansion of the sermon I gave last Shabbat morning.  It includes the fuller introduction I had originally written, which was cut for brevity and clarity of my spoken remarks.  It also includes some minor adjustments and additions as events have played out over the last 4 days, and some very sage suggestions made by a couple of people whose opinion I very much respect in response to the words actually delivered.

I am pleased that these remarks have sparked a continuing conversation of substance that is already leading to action within our congregation, as we are now planning an informational program for November 2nd, and discussing how to use the Holy Days to have information available to raise awareness of issues and programs.

As always, I welcome thoughtful, respectful response -- even more than usual, as this is a REAL issue that needs our attention!

Making Sure We are Able to Come In in Safety

A Sermon of Response – Parshat Ki Tavo

Rabbi Steve Weisman, Temple Solel Bowie MD, September 13, 2014

First rule of sermon writing – have a clear head… so preparing Thursday may NOT have been the best idea in the world!  13 years later, and the flashbacks are still so jarring, the memories and images and emotions so vivid.  And I and mine were among the lucky ones! Given this reaction – and it happens EVERY year – I cannot even begin to imagine what someone truly suffering from PTSD deals with!

I share that honesty to begin this morning, because the topic I want us to discuss and think about may be just as challenging – if not for all of us, then certainly for some of us.  Our portion on this Shabbat is Ki Tavo – when you come in; it follows last week’s Ki Teitzei – when you go out.  Many have been the sermon for one or the other of these Sabbaths over the years that played solely on the names – in order to be truly comfortable coming in, you first must go out – physically, spiritually, emotionally – to fully appreciate just what it is that you are coming into.

Coming as they do each year, as part of the month of Elul – our season of introspection, soul-searching, and atonement-seeking in advance of the upcoming High Holy Days – this can hardly be seen as a coincidence.  That reality, plus the meat of the portion that deals with blessings and curses, often as the opposite sides of the same coin, and the need for self-discipline and adherence to our Covenant with God, combine to make this a truly powerful Shabbat message in any given year.

For me, today, and I suspect for many of you as well, that power, that poignancy, is greatly increased this year by the headlines of our week.  If ONLY we were free to acknowledge that Thursday marked the 13^th anniversary of 9/11, that would have been powerful enough to influence our reading of Torah for this week.  And on this Shabbat when we turn upside-down our normal ritual pattern, in a subtle mirror of the changes that day brought to so many lives!  Stop and think about it – Jewish children born in the shadows of that day’s tragedy are celebrating becoming b’nai mitzvah on this Shabbat!  Can there be a clearer message that, even through tragedy, life, Jewish life, goes on!?

But, on the eve of that anniversary, we listened, or at least I did, as our oft-maligned Commander-in-Chief, a man who committed himself to bringing our young people home from fighting on foreign soil, laid out his plans for how America will lead the world’s fight to stop the Islamic State terrorists in their tracks, and break their hold over so many who did not invite them in, and how he did so with a clearly defined strategy that does NOT obligate the use of American troops on the ground for anything but training purposes, and then, fewer than 500.

And if THAT were the only headline of the week, we could still have a powerful and important debate, hopefully free from ideological bias and personal opinions of the man, on an incredibly important and challenging issue for us as Americans AND as Jews.  But, remarkably, Wednesday night and Thursday served largely as a distraction from the REAL issue of the week –

Ray Rice!  Everybody sick of hearing about this currently ex-football player with the Ravens, and the video evidence that surfaced this week that made the incident in which he beat his then fiancé in a casino elevator back in February, was allowed to enter an intervention program and have his record expunged, and earned a whopping 2-game suspension from the NFL look like the brutal, remorseless assault it appeared to be on camera?  I know I am!  Except:

An incident that occurred months ago dominated the news and our discussions this week to the point of nearly dwarfing the equivalent of a declaration of war on the eve of the anniversary of one of our nation’s darkest and most unforgettable days!

Sadly, MOST of the smoke and mirrors this week have led us to every place BUT the only real issue raised by this whole sorry, obnoxious incident that really matters. Yes, in the long term, it may matter greatly whether the NFL, the Baltimore Ravens, or even the local police and prosecutors in New Jersey took this case seriously enough, or acted appropriately, or preferred to sweep things under a rug, or possibly even willfully ignored evidence or lied when inconvenient truths came out from other places.  Yes, in the long term it may matter why these two people went through with their marriage even after this shameful incident, or why they appear hell-bent on staying together and supporting each other, or even what the true context of the hideous scenes we have now seen on grainy videotape really was.  Indeed, referring to it as the Ray Rice incident alone distorts where our focus should be!

But, the bottom line is that, unless there is a context so bizarre and so well hidden as to defy even the most trained professionals’ ability to recognize it, the centerpiece of this week’s headlines, denials, conspiracy theories and celebrity-obsessed focus should be the still too prevalent issue of domestic abuse (a phrase I changed at the last minute, with the breaking news of another player’s – Adrian Peterson of the Minnesota Vikings – alleged violence against a child or children)!  An issue that continues to bedevil our society, challenge our ideas of what healthy relationships and behaviors look like, defy our ability to prevent it, and leave far too many permanently scarred victims in its wake.

A statistic:  In the aftermath of the release of the video earlier this week, the National Domestic Abuse Hotline reported an increase of 72% in report calls!  A clear example of a cursed act becoming a catalyst to a potential life-saving blessing for many.  Proof that ANY improvement in preventing the moral ambiguity of high-profile cases like this will improve life for more than just those directly involved.  An affirmation of the Talmudic teaching from Sanhedrin:  One who saves a single life, it is as if they have saved an entire world.  But a sadly temporary, passing response, which tells us how much worse the issue really is, and cries for response even more!

A statistic:  According to the National Coalition for Domestic Violence -- 1 in 3 women, and 1 in 10 men have experienced or will experience physical violence at the hands of an intimate partner in their lifetime.   These numbers are somewhat fluid – another source says it is 1 in 3 black women, 1 in 8 Latino women, 1 in 17 white women, yet another, 1 in 4 women overall.  Whichever is accurate, those numbers are mind-blowing – their practical application even more so. 

Women – look to your right and look at the next woman you see in that direction; then look to the left.  Now look forward, and back.  If none of the 4 women you just saw is a victim of domestic violence, then, according to the general statistics, you would be expected to be.  Men – look around the room and recognize the minyan, the traditional quorum of 10 needed for public worship (and in the traditional world, they MUST be menbeyond bar mitzvah!)  According to these numbers, in ANY traditional minyan, there is likely to be a victim of domestic abuse.

Or look at it this way -- for the sake of argument, let’s assume that the 1 in 17 figure for women is the one that should apply to our congregation, and that the number for men is exaggerated by a factor of 2 (and btw, NEITHER of those assumptions should be statistically valid – they should lead to underestimation of our reality!  Using those numbers, given our current membership, then statistically, we should expect 6 men and 10 women in OUR community have experienced abuse (and the scary part here is that this methodology UNDERestimates our 18 – 24 year old population, considered to be the highest at risk age group!)  At that statistical level, which again, is less than what the reported statistical expectation would be, it is almost impossible to accept that we DON’T have at least one, and probably multiple real life victims living in our midst!  And THAT is a frightening realization, especially when we ask ourselves if we know who they are, or what we are doing to help them!?

This is not the first time I have spoken on this issue – publicly, or from this bimah.  A decade ago, when I first raised the subject, we were still working hard to overcome the myth that domestic abuse does not happen within the Jewish community.  It does, and sadly, at numbers comparable to the population as a whole.  Friends, this is NOT someone else’s problem, NOT a phenomenon happening somewhere else.  If it is NOT happening here, and I pray to God with everything I have that it is NOT, it is ONLY by the grace of God, or dumb luck, that we have been spared, and whichever of those is the source of our good fortune is likely to run out sooner rather than later.

I do not share these statistics and this math to bring us down – although admitting the truth when we have been in denial for so long often has that effect.  I share in the hopes of encouraging us to find solutions.  After all, compare the relative lack of awareness and knowledge of the issues in the Rice case – when the issue is domestic abuse – to those in the Peterson case, which deals with child abuse – a subject about which MANY reporting laws have been enacted! 

After that first sermon 10 years go, we started posting contact information from J(ewish) C(oalition) A(gainst) D(omestic) A(buse) in both the men’s and ladies’ bathrooms – because those are places that abused partners often can go without their abuser AND without generating potentially life-threatening suspicion that they might be seeking help.  In those first few months, as soon as the information would go up, someone would tear it down.  It wasn’t until we tried again a couple of years later, that we finally were able to keep this potentially life saving information on the walls, where, thankfully, it still can be found.  An improvement, but sadly, one which may have been achieved only after a victim, forced to confront a truth they still could not admit, and therefore choosing to act out by removing the reactive agent, was driven from the safety of our community, denied the opportunity to gain from our support and strength.  Clearly, we can, and must do more.

We must make this house of God, this center of our extended Jewish family and communal life, a safe haven for ALL people in ALL circumstances to come into.  We need to learn the telltale signs; to recognize the bruises, especially those that appear repeatedly on a regular schedule; to understand the psychology of abuse that allows abusers to hide in plain sight, and prevents their victims from seeking help, or even talking to a trusted friend honestly, we must become alert to the subtle emotional changes that are often the only outward clues.  We need to be willing and able to ask the tough questions, with non-judgmental compassionate concern; and we need to be willing to involve ourselves in something that is not easily seen as ours to get involved with, and do so without hesitation, like we do with indications of child abuse – when we have reason to believe that abuse is happening.  And if we cannot gain the entry we need to (dis)prove our darkest fears, or offer concrete assistance ourselves, we need to know to whom we can turn to hand off safely.

And, if that isn’t difficult enough, as this incident demonstrates, mostly in the worst ways, we have to be careful NOT to get overzealous in our cause, seeking out cases every place we have the slightest suspicion that there might be one; not to assume that every mostly private situation that looks like something always is; not to overreact to what we think we see.  The need to be sure, because of the trusts that often need to be broken to get help to those who need it without increasing their risk, and the severity of the need to act immediately when the abuse is real, these create a daunting reality – one which often scares away even those who in any other case would appropriately be the first responders offering support.

It is easy to get overwhelmed in the reality of personally recognizing a true case of abuse, just as it is easy to get overwhelmed with the constant headlines of a high profile case like this, to develop a fear of involvement or a fatigue, and not be available to be part of the solution.  This is why we cannot wait until we have a confirmed incidence; this is why we cannot be distracted by all the sideshow aspects of the Rice case, or just change the channel.

Karen Slone, the lay head of the social action committee of our sister congregation, Temple Emanuel, in Greensboro, North Carolina, wrote a powerful piece in response to this week’s distractions and carryings on.  In it, she did what many of us wish we could do in a serious moment of such highly charged public emotion – she looked at the emperor, and called him out for being naked!  She regretted that Ray Rice was suspended indefinitely – not because it took the video coming out to make it happen, but because by so doing, it took away the opportunity to make real progress against abuse. 

Her response?  Elegant, simple, and far more appropriate and effective than the suspension will be.  I elaborate on it only slightly, to make it more aware of the NFL’s realities, and have reordered the suggestions for logical reasons.

First -- mandatory anger management and relationship counseling – with no chance of reinstatement until all the counselors sign off that real growth has occurred.  If that takes a season, or two, or more – so be it!  What SHOULD matter here is both prevention (of future incidents), and recovery.  The leagues, and we as the public, need to stop looking at this as a legal issue, and look at it as a public health issue – the abuser is suffering an emotional (or mental) illness, and needs to be freed from other responsibilities and burdens to seek treatment and recovery.  Therefore, the path taken this week by the Vikings and Peterson, by which he has voluntarily accepted an “exempt” status that allows him to step away from playing in order to seek help and get himself together , while maintaining his income from the team, and allowing the team to protect their rights to his services when he returns (thereby sparing the league further embarrassment, loss of sponsors and other income, and possible law suits from the union and other players in similar circumstances).

Second -- a truly painful fine – perhaps the equivalent of the time missed in “exempt” status, once he is found guilty or in any way admits to his guilt – something that will assuredly make him think twice before ever abusing again.  And a suspension once he is cleared to return, as a way of acknowledging that his actions harmed the league and others besides himself and his partner.

Third, 20 hours per week of unpaid community service in a women’s shelter, for the same time he is away from the playing field.  Something that allows him to see victims other than his own, and be of service to them.

Fourth, make him the spokesperson for PSA’s against domestic abuse that run once every quarter of every televised professional football game every week for that same time that he is not playing – a combination of a modern high-tech scarlet letter that will be burned into him for life, and some actual teaching and awareness raising for society. 

Fifth, both the league and his team must match the money that he forfeits in fines, making them contributions to local shelters, anti-abuse efforts, and treatment programs to interdict and treat potential abusers before they abuse.   

THAT is a comprehensive program of proactive and reactive measures that actually address the issue of domestic abuse – and not just a PR band-aid designed to protect the value of franchises and a brand!  And Karen derives this, in part, from Heschel’s comment on human behavior in wartime – “… some are guilty; all are responsible.”  We need to take responsibility, and demand responsibility from those who make billions of dollars off the talents of violent men!

We need to start there – to take responsibility by raising awareness for ourselves and others, and by supporting shelters, anti-abuse and prevention programs locally.  But we also need to be prepared to go out ourselves – out from our comfort zone – and help to bring in those who are lost and in need of our support.  We cannot wait for them to come in on their own actively seeking our help, because that is an all-too-rare occurrence.  We have to make sure that they know that they are welcomed and valued – and safe and protected – here, with us. Nothing less will do.

It is the message of Ki Tavo.  It is the message of our atonement-seeking season.  It is Heschel’s powerful message, about which we will be hearing more in the coming weeks.  It is the message of the blaring headlines of our week now ended.  It is who we seek to be as a k’hillah k’doshah – a holy congregation!  And it is the only way to be part of the solution, rather than being dragged down into the problem!